Saturday, August 04, 2012

Dear Children - Aracnophobia is NOT Fun

Dear Children,

Please, let me tell you a story about when I had a panic attack of epic proportions.

It all started yesterday.  I had had a crazy morning of work meetings and needed a break and some lunch.  I decided that since I was in the area, I may as well come home and grab some lunch before heading back to the office.  I grabbed the mail as I came through the gate, opened the front door and wandered towards the hall stand.  Midway there, I looked down and saw a ginormous spider on the underside of the mail.  I did what any reasonable parent would do...  I squealed like a girl, threw the mail and back-pedaled fast enough to win an Olympic medal.  I was trapped there, by the front door, desperately wanting to go into the house but I couldn't, the spider was there, on the floor, peering up at me.  I tried to think of ways that I could get him to leave the house that wouldn't cause major heart palpitations.  I considered catching him in a jar to put outside but I didn't have any jars.  I thought of sweeping him outside with a broom but that would have meant getting by him to find the broom.  Even if I could get to the broom, I had visions of him running up the broom toward me and me passing out with fear so that was never going to happen.

In the end I did the only reasonable thing I could think of doing, I went back to work.  I couldn't spend the rest of the day stuck at the front door contemplating life in a house taken over by a spider.

I had full intentions of being home from work when you arrived home from school.  I even planned to have snacks with me so we could spend the afternoon playing in the park and avoid the potential crossing of spider paths in the house.  As usual, it was a great intentions that I couldn't fulfil, naturally work got in the way.  I was truly expecting a panicked phone call saying that there was a spider in the house but that never happened.  I hoped that he, the spider, had decided that he didn't want to share our home, that he was much more happy living in the great outdoors.  I even convinced myself that was the case and forced myself to relax in the lounge, in the area where the spider was last seen.  I was sure that we were spider free so I didn't mention my spidery encounter with you.

Unfortunately my hopes that he had relocated outside weren't to be true.  You found him this morning, on the ceiling by the front door and as a result, didn't want to go downstairs.  That I understand, that is why I urged Dad to go downstairs and catch the spider to put back outside.  Again, another great plan but by the time Dad wandered downstairs he was gone, again.

I know that you don't want to share your home with a spider but unfortunately when he is so good at hiding, there isn't much I can do about it.  I really really hope that he heard Dad stomping and muttering on the stairs and decided to leave but if not and he does reappear, I give you both permission to scream and run out of the house in a panic.  I know I am likely to be the first one out of the door.  In the meantime, scan the ceiling and cornice of each room that you enter and cross your fingers and pray that there is no spider setting up his home there.

Love a spider-fearing Mum

PS - the spider was a huntsman.  I know, as do you, that they are harmless but that doesn't mean that I have to like them.  Also, I have deliberately not added a photo for reference as that would only induce further panic attacks!


  1. kingsonthelake8:55 PM

    Wish we had a photo of you when you saw the giant spider Del. I feel for you as I am as bad as you when it comes to the hairy legged monsters. I hope he did find his way out of your house with a one way ticket.

  2. If this happened to me I would have to get a neighbour to catch it, so I am glad it was not.


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