Angry, So Freaking Angry

Dear Arse-Hat Young People,

Angry, that word hardly seems sufficient for how I am feeling right now.  Your mean thoughtless abuse is responsible for breaking a little girl's heart, her confidence and her spirit.

What gives you the right to hurl abuse to someone sharing the walking path and open space with you.  Someone who is not in your way, who you don't know, who has done nothing to impact upon your day other than be walking by you.  When you yelled at her, swearing and scaring her, she was to frightened to walk to her destination and terrified to walk home because you had walked in that general direction, still yelling and swearing.  In fact she was so frightened that she walked in the opposite direction until she felt safe enough to call me.

One of the first things you yelled at her was, "What's in your F%*^*ing stinking box?"  Hopefully referring to the cardboard box she was ever so carefully carrying that contained a baby bird.  The same baby bird that she found in the garage this morning, that she carefully shielded from the cats to give it a chance to survive the day today whilst she was at school.  The bird that was ever so carefully placed upon a towel in the box to keep safe.  The same bird that she and a friend walked up to the vets to find out if it was a native bird that needed protecting.  It was, it was a Honey Eater.

The vet suggested that she find a garden with lots of native plants in it and place it in a shaded spot with a shallow basin of water next to it, to help keep it alive.  The vet suggested that it might not survive but that would give it the best chance.  Knowing that we don't have a garden she called a friend with a beautiful native garden to see if she could bring him over to live in their garden.  It was on the short walk to their house that you yelled at her and frightened her.  By the time she had the confidence to go home, talking to me on the phone the entire time, there was no time to take the bird elsewhere, her friends had gone out and she was expected to go out also.  She left the baby bird in his box with water and flowers but when we returned he had died.

We now have a nearly inconsolable girl who not only grieving the loss of a bird that she believes that she didn't get the chance to protect properly, she feels that young people, young adults, are people to be wary of.

Whilst I am disgusted by your behaviour and that of your 2 friends for not pulling you in to line, I am so proud of my daughter.  She would be less than half your age and she had the common sense to keep on walking, and to walk where she felt safe before calling for help.  I am proud of her for being brave enough to keep her cool whilst terrified.  I am also proud of her for talking to a police officer (a friend who is currently working in our normally lovely and safe community) and providing a thorough description of the people who scared her.

What I am most afraid of is that my confident beautiful girl will be less confident in what is essentially our back yard.  I am concerned that she won't want to go out exploring, walking to visit friends and enjoying where we live.  I am angry that I wasn't there to comfort her and I am angry that I have to console her.  Basically I am [insert every swear word under the sun here] angry.

No regards,
A very sad and disappointed Mum
(thankfully not your mum)

Dear Children - Does Not Compute

Dear Children (and in particular the older child!),

Lets imagine that it gets to Sunday night and all of a sudden I realise that all of the laundry is still sitting in the basket waiting to be washed, including all of the school uniforms you need to wear tomorrow.  This scenario would entail me having to stay up late to do the laundry.

Now lets keep imagining that as the laundry slave for a said children; a 10 year old boy child, his younger sister and their dad too, their would be a decent amount of laundry that needed to be washed.

Now in a standard school week, school uniform would be worn for 5 days.  During this last week there was a costume day for the male child so only 4 days of actual uniform were required for him.  Of course if this particular boy child is known for cleaning his hands on his shorts so it is possible that his shorts were actually dirty and in need of being thrown into the laundry basket and a clean pair of shorts worn.  Keep in mind that this same boy is known for wearing clothes that are filthy and in need for a wash so this desire to wear clean clothes isn't entirely logical.

So, with all of this in mind, why would there be 7, yes that is right, 7 pair of school shorts (of the male style) in the wash today?  I am thinking that the boy in question has worked out that the easiest way to clean the floor-drobe is to dump everything in the wash.  I am also thinking that the same boy is soon to work out that if he continues to dump all clothes into the laundry he will soon be given the additional task of doing the laundry!

Oh and as a side note, I think that it may be time to clean out this particular child's wardrobe, one pair of shorts in the wash were size 4 and another were size 2!

Love your mama, xo

Dear Children - Aracnophobia is NOT Fun

Dear Children,

Please, let me tell you a story about when I had a panic attack of epic proportions.

It all started yesterday.  I had had a crazy morning of work meetings and needed a break and some lunch.  I decided that since I was in the area, I may as well come home and grab some lunch before heading back to the office.  I grabbed the mail as I came through the gate, opened the front door and wandered towards the hall stand.  Midway there, I looked down and saw a ginormous spider on the underside of the mail.  I did what any reasonable parent would do...  I squealed like a girl, threw the mail and back-pedaled fast enough to win an Olympic medal.  I was trapped there, by the front door, desperately wanting to go into the house but I couldn't, the spider was there, on the floor, peering up at me.  I tried to think of ways that I could get him to leave the house that wouldn't cause major heart palpitations.  I considered catching him in a jar to put outside but I didn't have any jars.  I thought of sweeping him outside with a broom but that would have meant getting by him to find the broom.  Even if I could get to the broom, I had visions of him running up the broom toward me and me passing out with fear so that was never going to happen.

In the end I did the only reasonable thing I could think of doing, I went back to work.  I couldn't spend the rest of the day stuck at the front door contemplating life in a house taken over by a spider.

I had full intentions of being home from work when you arrived home from school.  I even planned to have snacks with me so we could spend the afternoon playing in the park and avoid the potential crossing of spider paths in the house.  As usual, it was a great intentions that I couldn't fulfil, naturally work got in the way.  I was truly expecting a panicked phone call saying that there was a spider in the house but that never happened.  I hoped that he, the spider, had decided that he didn't want to share our home, that he was much more happy living in the great outdoors.  I even convinced myself that was the case and forced myself to relax in the lounge, in the area where the spider was last seen.  I was sure that we were spider free so I didn't mention my spidery encounter with you.

Unfortunately my hopes that he had relocated outside weren't to be true.  You found him this morning, on the ceiling by the front door and as a result, didn't want to go downstairs.  That I understand, that is why I urged Dad to go downstairs and catch the spider to put back outside.  Again, another great plan but by the time Dad wandered downstairs he was gone, again.

I know that you don't want to share your home with a spider but unfortunately when he is so good at hiding, there isn't much I can do about it.  I really really hope that he heard Dad stomping and muttering on the stairs and decided to leave but if not and he does reappear, I give you both permission to scream and run out of the house in a panic.  I know I am likely to be the first one out of the door.  In the meantime, scan the ceiling and cornice of each room that you enter and cross your fingers and pray that there is no spider setting up his home there.

Love a spider-fearing Mum

PS - the spider was a huntsman.  I know, as do you, that they are harmless but that doesn't mean that I have to like them.  Also, I have deliberately not added a photo for reference as that would only induce further panic attacks!

Dear Children - All about Laundry...

Dear Children,

As one of the Laundry Masters in the House of Relish, I have noticed that there is a correlation between the cleanliness of your bedrooms and the amount of clothes that are in the wash.  Somehow the clothes that are removed from the floor-drobes end up in the washing basket, irrespective of whether they are clean or not.  This means that the Laundry Masters of the House spend way too much time tackling the washing rather than spending time doing something that is remotely enjoyable.  Oh and the more clothes that end up in the wash, the more clothes that you have to put away, neatly in your wardrobe and not toss onto the floor!

Oh and as we are talking laundry, I have noticed that there is a disparity in the number of clothes that are washed each week.  Some members of the family have many more items of clothing in the wash.  That leads me to a conversation that may or may not have taken place

     Parent:  Oh no, you have a hole in your shorts!

     Child:  Yeah I know, I had to wear undies to school today!

My mum, your Nanna Pat always said, make sure you always have clean undies on.  Me?  I am just happy that you wear undies occasionally!

Love your mama, xo

What if... Multitasking and a bathroom scenario

Dear Children.

What would happen if you or any other child were to multi-task?
  a)  Would more than one thing actually get done simultaneously? OR
  b)  Would there be mess and mayhem that required even more time and effort to restore?

Ideally option A would be the desired outcome but that would take time, practice and persistence, something desirable to achieve, something that I am happy for you to work on achieving.

Of course some things just aren't meant to be multi-tasked.  For example, you really shouldn't multi-task when using the bathroom.  For starters, it is kind of gross but other than that,  some things take a little more concentration than others, particularly if you are required to stand whilst using the facilities.   Now we could take this one step further and provide a more specific example - you shouldn't try to drink a glass of water whilst peeing.  Not only is it unhygienic, there are likely to be adverse consequences to your actions.  What happens when you concentrate on your aim?  There is a fair chance that you will spill your drink as you concentrate on guiding the stream to the bowl.  Then, if you make it through step one safely, what is likely to happen when you need to shake?  I predict that as you shake one thing, you will shake the other and the inevitable outcome is liquid ending up where it shouldn't be.  Realistically in this scenario, option B is likely to be the outcome and there would be liquid that requires cleaning.  I know I don't like cleaning and I am pretty sure you share that view.

So there you have it Dear Children, I would love for you to multi-task, but not everything all the time.  Some tasks are individual, independent tasks that require concentration.  I would like you to concentrate, cleaning up the mess or listening to me nag as you clean up the mess is not fun for anyone.

This scenario may or may not have happened, but lets set the ground rules now!
Love your Mama